Firstly, anger is not bad. It is an important emotion that has allowed us to protect ourselves and those we care about. However problems do occur if it isn’t understood and managed in the right way.
Help with Anger Management
Anger is a mixture of both emotional and physical changes. You feel the big surge of energy going through your body as chemicals such as adrenaline are released and you assume all the intensity of it relates to the current event. (first easy mistake!)
When the intensity of anger is out of proportion to the event that has triggered it, there is a problem.This usually means the anger comes from two different places, one previously suppressed and one in the present – but it FEELS like it ALL belongs in the present – and that’s where it gets expressed. People on the receiving end can be shocked, frightened or provoked by the intensity. This all reduces the chance of a satisfactory resolution.
Where anger has been previously suppressed, this may release so much pent-up emotion that you overreact to the situation. This is a brilliant understanding to make, but the answer is to then find an appropriate way to release the old feelings. (and NOT feel bad about that)
When the cause of the anger appears unresolved, you may still have to deal with the physical effects – all that energy has to go somewhere. This can be taken out on another person, such as a partner, or an object – by punching a wall, for example, which can lead down the road to self harm.
This surge of energy & release of feelings can also be pleasurable, a sense of some relief as well as assertion and power, which can become habitual.
Letting your anger go in an uncontrolled fashion can lead to more anger from the other person and a move from verbal aggression to physical abuse on either side.
For Anger Management Counselling in Birmingham that can help support you during this difficult period you can contact us here.
Using the angry energy in a positive way
Each person’s positives are different, so there will be different solutions for everyone, but some strategies might include:
- A physical activity or sport that burns off the surplus energy such as running.
- An activity that also offers social benefits.
- Shouting and screaming in a private, quiet place.
- Banging your fists and /or screaming into a pillow.
- Learning relaxation meditation or something like yoga or tai chi.
These may help to vent your frustration and burn off any feelings you’re bottling up or more relaxed.
Anger management techniques
It is possible to learn how to manage differently with those situations that make you angry with therapy. This takes practice but can make you feel much better about yourself and certainly will make your relationships much more satisfying.
A good first thing to do is to list the situations that make you angry. Exactly what it is about them that makes you angry? It may be the immediate situation, or it could be that it represents a build-up of issues you haven’t resolved.
Ask yourself four questions about your interpretation of these situations:
- What evidence is there to show this is accurate?
- Is there another equally believable interpretation of what’s going on here?
- What action can I take to have a less angry control of the situation?
- If my best friend were in this situation, what advice would I give to them?
This won’t dispel the anger for every situation, but when you’re angry it can be difficult to assess a situation accurately. If a situation arises unexpectedly and you feel your temper rising, walk away and complete the following exercise, if you can.
If your anger isn’t resolved by this, make sure you’ve given enough thought to what exactly you’re angry about. You need to be sure exactly before you can resolve it. It will usually involve a person, but not necessarily the one who’s the target of your anger in the situation and this is the person you need to work the situation out with.
To do this, find a time to raise the problem when you feel more in control of your temper. It may be a good idea to agree a time in advance.
Anger management therapy
Once you’ve found ways to let off steam and or calm down which can provide a holding operation or release, it is very helpful to identify previous causes of anger that are often completely forgotten about or blocked out, as they were too painful. These can often date back further than you imagine. Where these situations from our past remain unresolved, therapy can provide the opportunity to find some resolution or completion. It maybe that the people involved are no longer alive but we hold this stuff in our mind and body. There are psychological and physical ways of dealing with it that can be enormously healing.
It is always good to reflect on this with someone else, as they can help you get things into a perspective that is very difficult by yourself when you have these strong feelings arising.
Any of the above areas are ones you can address with an individual therapist at the centre.
Feel free to share this article with anyone you think may enjoy or benefit from understanding anger management.