Depression Blog

DEPRESSION CAN BUGGER UP YOUR LIFE !

Depression is weird as it’s often a result of a past experience that we’ve either forgotten about or avoid like the plague! So the first step is to track down the cause, with a therapist who is the emotional equivalent of a Red Indian tracker. Therapy helps us uncover the cause and deal with it. More details.

Freddy Flintoff, the England, cricket captain found himself self medicating by drinking too heavily during the cricket world cup, as he had no idea why he was feeling so down. He wanted to sit by himself while the others wanted to celebrate their successes. `I just needed the doctor to tell me what was wrong, but nobody told me it was depression.` Winston Churchill used to describe his depression as `his black dog` and would try and self-medicate by whisky and cigars and keep quiet about it. He even attended a his cabinet meeting when he was part paralysed after a stroke without his cabinet noticing. It is crucial to be able to talk about what you are experiencing to somebody. Isolation makes it worse even though all you want to do is sit in a corner by yourself. 

Here are some famous people who have experienced depression similar to you and have used therapy to help them deal with it. Many of us will suffer with depression at some point in our lives. Some people have used medication to calm the symptons, while they learn to understand and attend to the causes of the depression in therapy. Some like actress & model Pauline Porizkova tried anti-depressants, but were very keen to come off them.

For therapy to help with depression phone 0121 429 1758 or email on bcpc@counselling-direct.co.uk.

 

Danielle’s Diary of beginning therapy

A blog describing one person’s experience of the first six sessions of counselling.

First step – Making an appointment.

Just made my first appt with the counsellor. She seemed OK on the phone. We didn’t really talk about my issues, more the practicalities. Next Tuesday 11am. Still not sure… may change my mind.

 

First arrival

So…didn’t change my mind …arrived and managed to find the waiting room the counsellor told me about. Turned up a bit early as I was nervous about whether I’d get here on time, (did take a wrong turn). Feeling anxious but don’t want to let it show. Not sure what to expect. I want help, but really hope therapist is OK, otherwise I’ll clam up.

Session 1

Therapist collected me and seemed pleasant enough. We both were more relaxed once we got in the room & I found myself doing all the talking…which I wasn’t expecting. She went through how it all worked and I didn’t have the feeling that she was going to make me stay if I didn’t want to. In fact she seemed to think I was in charge which was a bit of a relief if I’m honest. I was worried that I would be sucked into something I didn’t want. She seemed to gently help me focus on the problem I’d brought and next thing I was in tears, which I hadn’t expected either. By the end of the session I felt I’d spoken more freely than I ever have done, and that helped me make sense of things. Said I’d like to come back for more. But I might still change my mind, as usual.

Session 2

Didn’t change my mind – in fact felt a bit more relaxed this time and was even looking forward to it. Feels like a space just for me, which is novel.

Session 3

I’d like to know more about my therapist – like has she got children, how old is she, is she in a relationship. Can’t imagine asking her any of that though.

Session 4

We talked about how the sessions were going and whether or not I was happy /interested in continuing. I said I was as I felt it had been helpful to say things out loud that usually go round and round my head, leaving me with a headache. What I didn’t say though was that I thought things in my life should have changed by now. But I’m always a bit impatient so I reckon I can give it a go for a few more.

Session 5

There was one bit today where I felt a bit irritated when she seemed to have a reaction when I was telling her about how close we all were as a family. Didn’t like to tell her that though. and then felt irritated with myself as a result.

Session 6

Really surprised I turned up for this one – was feeling more and more irritated about the family thing from last week, so sat down in a bad mood.. She said she had a sense that something was going on for me. I thought too right, but I didn’t know how to tell her what it was. In fact what I really thought was look I’m paying you to sort me out so you should know what’s going on . had 15 minutes to go (I like to keep an eye on the time) when she just said something out of the blue like ‘I wonder what would help you tell me what’s really going on for you today?’ well that was all I needed really to tell her because it felt like she was really focussed on me.. So I told her and it felt awkward but afterwards I felt like a weight had lifted. And actually I realised that though we are a close family – sometimes that’s good for me and sometimes it’s not.

Session 7

Have been thinking about me and my parents during the week. I’m beginning to see that maybe I’m too close to my mum especially sometimes. I wonder how much I do what I want rather than what my mum thinks is best. I mean I’m 26 but so far I don’t feel I’ve really taken any control over my own life. Like I really wanted to do art at college but my mum said I’d be better off getting a job, so that’s why I’m in a ‘steady’ office job rather than doing some creative. When my counsellor asked me how that was for me I suddenly felt really sad…Haven’t ever told my mum how I feel .

Session 8

Had a bit of a light bulb moment during the week. I was thinking about not telling my mum how I really felt and why wouldn’t I do that And then I was rereading this diary and noticed all the other times I haven’t said what I’m thinking to the counsellor. And also how I hadn’t ever told even my best friend about how miserable I was feeling. And I thought how close really am I to anybody? I shared this with my counsellor and she said maybe could I give her an example of things I wanted to say to her but hadn’t. So I told her about how annoyed I was when she seemed to be questioning my family stuff. And we actually had a good chat about it. At the end she said maybe this was something we could look at again next week.

We hope you found this helpful. This client was very happy for this to be shared on our web-site as it helped them in writing it and they hoped it may help others reading it. We didn’t use her own name to protect her identity.

If you found it helpful feel free to share it with others, who might appreciate it.

How to Cope With Bereavement & Loss

The loss of someone you love or something that was important to you can be very upsetting and sometimes feel overwhelming. A natural grieving process is important for any kind bereavement and will remain unfinished until addressed.

Some of us have difficulty staying in touch with upsettling emotions around bereavement and can then try and suppress the painful feelings. The grieving process will remain unfinished and the uncomfortable feelings can then surface at other times with intensity and often much confusion, causing difficulty in relationships at home and work. Counselling can be used to help with this process.    

Grieving is a natural process we go through in response to bereavement or losses of many kinds, eg. death, loss of a job, relationship breakdown, life events again and any significant changes. When we are in the middle of painful grief, we can feel that it will never end. Saying goodbye or letting go, can be an rich process of valuing and honouring the loss and enabling you to move forward, with support.  

Read the full article on Bereavement & Loss.

For comments that previous clients addressing bereavement have arrived with, click here.

Ways we can help

Each person will have their own way of dealing with their Loss or Bereavement and at BCPC we can help you do that. We offer a safe, non-judgmental setting where you are able to work one-to-one with a therapist to explore the process you are going through.

If you would like to work with an experienced therapist in a safe and confidential place contact us here.  If you would prefer us to call you back please put you contact details here.

 

Counselling for Depression

Where does Depression come from?

Depression is extremely common and is thought to affect one in ten of us in our lifetime. Whilst the despair that depression can cause cannot be underestimated, it is important to understand that anyone can be affected and that most people respond well to treatment.

Depression may be triggered by recent or past traumas or significant life changes such as relationship breakdowns or a bereavement. Usually something that has been difficult to deal with or just avoided.

Can Depression be treated?

If you suffer with depression it may feel like you will feel this way forever, however with support and treatment most people are able to make a full recovery. At BCPC, we have a number of therapists experienced in treating depression.

Who else has suffered from Depression?

Too many to mention, but here are some examples of successful people who have talked openly about their own struggles with depression and how they have used therapy to help them address it. They include Bruce Springsteen, Will Young, Hugh Laurie, Brad Pitt, Damon Hill (world champion racing driver), Leon McKenzie (Premier league footballer turned boxer) etc etc.

Does Depression require medication?

This depends on how severely depressed you are. Medication can sometimes help to settle the symptoms while you address the underlying process through counselling. Therapy can be extremely effective in treating depression by helping to identify the causes and manage the symptoms. If you have broken your wrist by putting your hand out when you fell over, you may have a plaster cast put on to help the healing, while you get mentally clear about avoiding doing the same next time. Therapy clarifies the causes and focus for healing while medication can act like a walking stick while getting better.

Where can I get Help ?

To speak to one of our team and make an appointment, call us on 0121 429 1758 or email: bcpc@counselling-direct.co.uk. If you would prefer us to call you, click on call back on top left of any main web page. See all contact details here.

Inspiring Poem

Below is the `Guy in a Glass poem that challenges us about how we live our life.

It was read to the English rugby team in Australia last June before they beat the hosts & won the series for the FIRST TIME EVER.  The poem was seen as being an inspiring contribution to that.

This was because it connected with the emotions of the players rather than a more thoughtful, intellectual approach that is often used. Being able to access our feelings can sometimes be difficult but counselling can support you to access them and find answers that defy a more thinking & analytic approach!  

 

`Guy in The Glass` by Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr     `guy` can be man or woman..

When you get what you want in your struggle for self  

And the world makes you king for a day 

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself 

And see what that guy has to say. 

 

For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife 

Who judgement upon you must pass 

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life 

Is the guy staring back from the glass. 

 

He’s the feller to please, never mind all the rest 

For he’s with you clear up to the end 

And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test 

If the guy in the glass is your friend. 

 

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years  

And get pats on the back as you pass 

But your final reward will be heartache and tears 

If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.  

 

If you would like to try some counselling to help you feel good looking in the mirror, contact us here.

 

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is something that keeps us alert to challenges we may face  and is both necessary and normal. However, excessive anxiety may require external support to reduce it. Read the full article

A simple explanation of anxiety.

The mind tells the body to prepare to face a crisis and the body releases adrenalin causing the heart to beat faster, pumping oxygen round to increase energy, sweating to prevent overheating & needing the toilet. The body is now vigilant for a fight or flight situation which is helpful when faced with a real danger or threat.

However when this reaction is triggered when you are out shopping or in a social situation, past fears and worries can trigger the same reaction – and the body can then be left accumulating headaches, tiredness and other stress symptoms, with no-one to fight!

It may be a historical crisis or fear but the answer is to understand why the mind is getting fearful and attend to that, so it does not exaggerate situations and then actually create a crisis, when there wasn’t one there. Unfortunately in this cycle we bring such intensity into an ordinary situation that we can recreate our worst fears by creating a crisis, which is the last thing we want – but we all do it!

Ways we can work with you

Here at the Centre we offer you support to help with anxiety to become aware where the anxiety is coming from and what options you have to improve it. If you have visited a medical setting looking for help with anxiety you may well have been offered some medical treatment for the symptoms, but perhaps you want to explore further into what is causing the anxiety. The difficulty is that while anxiety will often show itself in physical symptoms such as sweaty hands, headaches or hyper-ventilating, it comes from an emotional base and that’s what we will help you address.

If you would like to look at help with anxiety in a safe and confidential place with an experienced counsellor, or have any queries you would like to clarify, contact the Centre on 0121-429-1758. If you would prefer us to call you back please put your contact details here.

 

 

Intro To Couples Counselling

When our closest, most intimate relationship begins to break down or feels rocky, we can feel bereft, shocked, unable to trust and worn out.

However we can fall back into patterns that seem to make things worse even though we desperately want them to be better.

Couples counselling can help you to explore better ways of relating to each other, and help to interrupt the blame cycle that many relationships end up going round and round in. That treadmill can leave us feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, hurt, angry, a failure and wanting someone to agree with us that the other person is in the wrong. Both people get to feel worse and worse until someone capitulates or walks out. Neither usually offers a good resolution.

Client Comments

  • My partner’s always criticising me.
  • I seem to do all the supporting.
  • He just won’t talk about things, & particularly feelings.
  • She’s so needy.
  • I try to talk about things but she just gets upset.
  • I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time.
  • We both agree we need marriage counselling.
  • He/She had an affair and I don’t know how to forgive that

If you want to see an individual counsellor, a couples counsellor or a specialist psychosexual counsellor then click here.

For the full article click here.

Struggling with addiction?

Is your addiction taking over your life? Addictions often begin as ways of coping and develop into habits. 

Addiction is the persistent use of a substance or behaviour in spite of the negative consequences it gives rise to.  When a behaviour becomes habitual we do it automatically and without conscious control. These habits can often be very damaging to our health and relationships.  Read the full article

Click here to see the some comments that other clients have said about their addiction.

If you would like some addiction therapy to help improve your life contact us here.

Knowledge is Power  The more you know about your addiction the better! It gives you some power over it.  Keeping a diary to detail the pattern of your addictive behaviour, your mood and activities can be a great start to understanding what factors make your addiction worse or better. Identifying what triggers you into addictive behaviour can be a very important and helpful step.

Finding Other Ways to Cope Once you have identified what triggers your addictive behaviour you can look at other ways of coping.  For example, if you recognise you are using alcohol to relax from the stress at work it could help to look at reducing your stress levels.  This may involve finding other ways to unwind in the short term such as relaxation classes or exercise such as a walk or a visit to the gym.  It may also involve finding a long term solution to the difficulty which is causing you stress.

Support Available Understanding your addictions and their root cause can be complicated and often may need the guidance of a trained professional to help you.  If you would like to work with an experience therapist in a safe and confidential place contact us here.  Or if you would prefer us to call you back please leave your details here.

 

 

How to Manage Your Anger

If you experience intense anger it can be difficult to manage and this can lead to problems in your life.

Firstly, anger is not bad. It is an important emotion that has allowed us to protect ourselves and those we  care about. However problems do occur if it isn’t understood and managed in the right way. 

Read the full article

Are you looking for…

ways to cope with the intensity of your anger? There are different techniques to minimise the damaging elements of your anger.

ways to manage the intensity of your anger better? Working with a counsellor to understand more about your anger so you can control it and protect those close to you.  

ways to eliminate the intensity of your anger? Counsellors or therapists here at the Centre are  interested in helping you understand any hidden causes for the intensity of your anger. This is not just managing the anger but helping you address and eliminate the cause of the anger so you are free of the intensity once and for all. Working with anger is what experienced therapists are familiar with.

support available? If you would like to work with an experienced therapist in a safe and confidential place – or to join our small ongoing anger management group, contact us here.  If you would prefer us to call you back please put you contact details here.

Three examples of clients presenting with anger issues.

1. Client arrived full of frustration and un-contained anger that was spilling onto family, work and few remaining friends. A punch bag helped to release and express some of the anger and then highlight a big unaddressed loss that was sitting inside the client. It was a very significant past bereavement which for understandable reasons had never been dealt with at the time, but which left them with considerable forgotten hurt and frustration. Once the loss was worked through with their therapist, their life was totally transformed – as were the lives of their family, work colleagues and friends.

 2. Another person had been badly treated but didn’t have the words or knowledge to say what they needed, so felt resentful at everybody, loosing their temper at friends and family. They didn’t like what they were doing but felt helpless to change. As they were helped to uncover the hidden words & feelings, which they had never used, the anger was replaced with tears that led to some remarkable family scenes of reconnection. This proved life changing and a wonderful blessing for the present and future lives of the client’s children.

3. A third person had been treated badly but had avoided challenging this treatment. They were supported in finding their confidence to face up to the person involved. They found a positive & creative way of addressing it with the other person. This enabled them to stand up for themselves and restore their own self esteem – without feeling the need to be brutal or heavy handed or causing a negative reaction.

To see some more issues that clients have brought & resolved click here.  

To contact us click here.